I made jam today

I am unbelievably proud of myself. My own mother has never made jam before. We have one jar of gooseberry jam and 2 jars of strawberry jam cooling in the kitchen at the moment. I am so beyond Nigella and Delia right now it's ridiculous. We still have loads of strawberries left from the pick your own farm we went to today. I would upload photos with this blog so you can be amazed at my domestic skills with me, but I haven't figured out how I can do that on my phone yet. So, I will put photos up when I can.

I'm having jam on toast for breakfast tomorrow!

I'm no Supernanny

Emilia was a nightmare yesterday, and absolute terror. The amount of tantrums and high pitched screaming reached new levels. And I'm sorry to say, we both lost it and shouted at her. Properly shouted. I felt terrible afterwards. It didn't make things better. I just don't understand discipline for children. Threatening an early bed time is useless as she can't tell the time yet, so time is irrelevant to her. We've taken toys away, she still carries on misbehaving. Time outs rarely seem to work as she works herself up in to a hysterical mess and trashes her bedroom. At times I'm at a complete loss for what to do. I know it's going to be hard work after what she went through with her mum, and it's scares me when I see her curl up in a defensive position if someone shouts at her. I'd never hit her, and I've told her that many times. I rarely shout at her, only when I'm really cross, and it usually has the desired effect, Yesterday was a different story, she was on a whole new level yesterday. I know everyone has their off days, but she really struggles with being told what to do and being told no. I've got a theory that maybe she's finally feeling settled and is pushing the boundaries to see how much she can get away with. It's stressful, and I know it's going to take a long time. I just wish there was some sort of instruction manual.

Or a mute button.

What happens when you stop going out partying, but then decide to try and keep up with the friends who still do

You are sitting on your bed the next day, it's just gone 10pm, it's a Saturday night, and all you can think about is how much you just want to go to sleep. To curl up under the duvet and give your tired, partied out feet a rest. To sleep in a proper bed, rather than on your friend's sofa, which was leather, so very cold, and you got poked in the middle of the night (read morning) by a sneaky tv remote that had hidden itself behind a cushion. But then you realise... you're only 25, you shouldn't be considering bed at this time. It's the weekend for crying out loud. Well do you know what I think to that?

Sod it.

I don't feel the need to go out partying all the time anymore. To try and piece together the hazy blur of the previous drunken night from embarassing pictures and even more mortifying stories kindly regailed to you by your "friends" the following day. No, I find it weird to say it, but I don't want that anymore. I was talking with a friend of mine last night about how weird the different paths people take in life are. I could honestly tell you right now, hand on heart, that a year ago I wasn't planning on settling down anywhere in the near future. And yet I have, and I am happier now than I was back then. I've done the crazy things, the messing around and the ridiculously drunken nights. I've got that out of my system (which apparently means I may have avoided having a mid-life crisis, result!), and to be honest, before I met Edd I was getting bored of going out. It was always the same place, the same faces, and the same feeling of emptiness the next day. And the dodgy stomach of course. But now, I am happy going out once a month, if that. It brings the fun back to it, and I appreciate it a lot more. I wouldn't change my nights in snuggled up watching a film, or even just feeling exhausted from running around after a 5 year old all day, for all the free drinks in Swansea. I'm not saying that I'm becoming a hermit, a social leper of sorts. Not at all. I'm a very sociable person, and always will be. I guess I'm just saying that I feel as though I've grown up and found my place in life. Even if my nights out do involve lovely pictures such as this.....

So, here I am, 25 years young, 10.20pm on a Saturday night, saying, Goodnight all, I'm off to the Land of Nod.

This is the cutest puppy in the whole world...

Oh but don't you agree? He is 8 weeks old and belongs to our neighbour who lives opposite. And he looks like a stuffed teddy version that they gave Emilia just before Christmas.

I WANT ONE!

Family time begins...

So, Edd's parents have left. The house is silent. There's no Emmerdale or Coronation Street or murder mystery blasting out from the TV. There's just the peace and quiet of the three of us.

And so begins a new chapter in the story of my jigsaw family. This story will mostly be starring this little girl...

This handsome man....

And your favourite heroine....

So, I had a new experience this evening. Anyone remember those adverts where the stressed out mum is trying to relax in the bath and the kids come bursting in to use the toilet? Yep, that happened to me. Emilia needed the toilet, and just walked in the bathroom. She then asked me why my bath smelt funny. I kindly informed her that it wasn't my bath, it was the fact that she was having a poo and making the room smell. She thought this was hilariously funny, me not so much.

It's the final countdown!

It's an hour until Edd's parents are leaving for Sweden until September, and are leaving us in peace! Can you tell that I'm a little excited!?

When head lice attack...

Well, it's finally happened... Emilia has come home from school with head lice. The battle begins. I haven't told her yet, going to wait until we start combing her hair properly. I also don't fancy her going around announcing to everyone that she has bugs in her hair, which is what she would do. So, it's going to be a fun few weeks of conditioner and combing. I'm reluctant to use chemicals on her hair after my bad experience when I was 10, where my mum used some lotion or other, and my hair fell out. Not good. So, it's off to buy a nit comb tomorrow. One of the other mum's hads told me about one called Nitty Gritty that has some sort of spirals on the prongs that break the legs of the lice. Brutal. See what I mean by warfare?!

Honestly, even thinking about head lice makes me itchy...

Ever wondered why there are no famous chef couples?

Because cooking with your other half is ridiculously stressful!

Today, we attempted chocolate and orange cookies, and chicken and mushroom pie. All gluten free of course. Anyway, the food turned out great. The cookies were a little crispy, but I was distracted by trying to instruct Edd and left them in the oven too long. But we haven't poisoned anyone, and the food left everyone full up. Emilia even ate the mushrooms in the pie without too much fuss!

But still, trying to instruct your "better half" without sounding like a bossy cow is pretty much impossible. And with the oven on raising the temperature in the room, and you getting frustrated when your boyfriend doesn't understand the words "add slowly"... it can make for a pie with a dodgy pastry crust. Still, I am very proud of our effort. Just need to stop taking my anger out on the pastry....

Just while I think about it.....

Lying here on my bed next to my gorgeous boyfriend who is watching football and being manly... I can't help but think how lucky I am and how everything will turn out fine, I just know it will.

When I'm feeling a little isolated

I really miss this girl...

I know it's not ridiculously far away, Gorseinon to Swansea. But when things gets hectic, I just kind of wish I was closer to Alex so I could go round and rant and put the world to rights with her. There is no one better to do it with. However, come Friday, we shall be strutting our stuff and throwing some shapes like the good old days. I'm not going to go in to the hecticness. Life is too short to stay down, and it'll all be sorted eventually. I just miss this girl.

And who can blame me?

Kids parties are modern warfare

I really think that this is true. It's like a competition between mums to outdo each other. Organising one is stressful. Where to have it, who to invite, what food to provide. Honestly, it's the stuff of nightmares. At the end of the day, it's the childs happiness that is the most important thing, but it's still seen as a reflection of parenting.

Emilia has had 2 birthday parties this weekend. One was in a place called Funsters, an indoor play area. It was for a little girl called Taya in her class. Taya has just turned 5. Taya already has highlights in her hair. Do you see where I'm going with this? A party in Funsters costs £10 per child (this does include food, you know, chips and something). We know this as Taya's mum told every single mum. There were 14 children including Taya there. You do the maths.

The second one was in the local leisure centre, where you can hire a bouncy castle for 55 minutes with supervision. This costs £85. You do need to provide your own food. It all adds up. However, in 55 minutes, it's hard to provide food for children who only have such a short time to bounce, and do any party games and blow out candles. This party was for Danny, who is commonly known as Emilia's boyfriend. Danny is rather besotted with Emilia and follows her around at school. I'd like to tell her that he'll change as he gets older, but I don't want to lie to her. Life is cruel. Anyway, it was a good party. Tanya (Danny's mum) made a cake, an Angry Birds cake (AMAZING!), had some drinks and packets of Quavers.

So at the end of the day, whose party was better? Well, my answer is, does it really matter? All of the kids that went to the parties had fun. The birthday children felt special for the day, as they should do. And the parents were left stressed out and wondering why they went to such fuss when it was all over so quickly and never to be mentioned again. I can tell you that they're not discussed in the playground as much as you hope they would be. I speak from experience.

Seriously though, I'll make Emilia's party next year even better. It's war.

The Angry Birds cake!

Family... is blood really that thick?

So, there has been a bit of tension in my family today. Well, in reality, there has been for a while, but it came bubbling up to the surface today. I'll be honest, we're not a close family. If something is going wrong, my sister isn't the first person I'd call, and I doubt I'd be hers. However, I do still care about her, as any big sister would. I can't help it. And it seems as sometimes it comes across as criticism. Things have now been said from both sides that have hurt one another. I worry because she puts silly things on facebook like about how drunk she is and how she's got to look after her baby daughter. If Ellie's(her daughter) dad did ever decide that he wanted custody or something like that, aforementioned things put on facebook would be so damaging for her. I only say this because I am living in the aftermath of that kind of situation. I don't mean it to be horrible. I don't mean to say that she can't look after Ellie, because she clearly can. But to be told that I don't know anything because I am a pretend parent, that hurt me. Fair enough Emilia isn't my daughter, but doesn't mean that I can't look after her like she is. Seeing as her own mother didn't look after her, surely she deserves love and stability. It's not pretend when she says she loves me and gives me a cuddle. I work hard to help Edd support her, and if it weren't for step-parents, there would be a lot of messed up children in this world. I would be one of them.

We've spoken about it now. My brother and sister said that I'm lame because I don't ask how they are. The thing is, I do. I have tried repeatedly to get in contact with them, but I never hear anything back. I ask my mum when I phone her every week how they both are. It's not a case of not trying, it's just a case of that so much has gone on in our family, it's hard for us to be close.

But, at the end of the day, there's the saying that "Blood is thicker than water", and I wouldn't change my family for anyone else. I can't really, I am stuck with them. And I guess today has shown us that we all need to try a little harder to stay in contact and helo each other out, because when the rest of the world walks out, my family will still be there.

This fire is outta control, gonna burn this city......

(My finger is in the shot because it was a sneaky photo taking moment)

Well, not quite. But we did have some drama at work today! The bin outside the shop was on fire for some reason. There are many differing viewpoints. The most logical explanation is that someone threw a cigarette in there and it set fire to something. There are many other lines of thought. The grumpy woman from Thomas Cook a few doors down who keeps leaving notes on people's cars if they park in her parking space. Bored teenagers was another explanation. Someone trying to burn the shop down, possibly my manager as she is rather adverse to working. But anywho, Cam helped by bringing a mop bucket of water down to the security wardens. They got the fire out, when the fire service turned up. Great timing there. So, we watched the firemen, hoping for a nice dishy one. We were sadly disappointed, but not overly surprised. This is Swansea after all. Good looking men are few and far between. And the ones who think they are good looking, spend longer in front of the mirror than most girls. But I digress, the firemen turned up to a fire that was clearly out. They still got the hose out anyway, and gave the bin a few squirts. It was all rather exciting.

Yes, my life has got that boring that watching a 40 year old fireman squirt a bin with water is the highlight of my day.

When does the honeymoon period end?

So, I've heard it said that after 6 months of being in a relationship with someone, the honeymoon period ends. I've been thinking about this, and I'm not sure it really applies to my relationship.

In over 6 months of being together, we've only had 1 whole week completely to ourselves. Even now, as I type this, Batman is walking over my torso to get attention. Paw to the boob isn't the most pleasant experience. Anywho, as I mentioned, we've only had one week to ourselves, where we haven't had Emilia or his parents around. In the beginning, we only had the time after her dropped Emilia off at school, and before he picked her up again. At weekends, we were rarely alone. So, our relationship didn't have a conventional start. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this was a bad thing in any way at all. It made us find out that we're good together very quickly. We're still learning new things about each other now, and there are probably still thousands of things we've still yet to find out about each other. But did we ever have a honeymoon period? Did we ever have that crazy about each other phase where we couldn't keep our hands off each other? Where we sickened other people around us with our lovey dovey behaviour? I think we did.

I still wake up every morning and feel incredibly lucky to be with such a lovely guy. I've never properly lived with a boyfriend before, and I honestly thought that the first time I did, it wouldn't happen so quickly. But here I am, and it doesn't feel weird or scary. His daughter calls me mummy, and it doesn't feel weird or scary. I still fall more in love with him every day, and maybe this is still the honeymoon period. Maybe the honeymoon period doesn't have to end, because when you find the right person, that's how love is meant to be.

Sorry for the excessive use of slushiness here. It has been playing on my mind recently, and I've been thinking about past relationships, and why they didn't last past the 6 month mark. This one is different, and I can't explain it. Maybe it's a sign I've grown up? Or maybe it's a sign I've completely lost my mind? Only time will tell. Until then, I'm going to keep doing this.....

Not so traumatised and looking positive

...Why I love hangoverless weekends now


So, I'm over the car crash now. We're still without car though. Edd's dad is my chauffeur to work at the moment. I feel really bad about it, and keep offering to get the bus, but his parents aren't having any of it. I'd also like to get the bus as it gives me time to listen to my music, which I don't seem to be doing much of these days, but I can't really say that to them. We're waiting to sort out a courtesy car, but apparently the place doesn't have any small cars. I don't know what this means, unless they only have Hummers left. I don't fancy driving a Hummer. Although I won't be driving the courtesy car anyway, as I won't be insured to. Maybe they only have limousines? It would be pretty spectacular to be driven to work in a limousine. I might speak to them about this. So, while Jay (the car, not my choice of name I'll have you know) is being repaired, we're pretty much confined to Gorseinon. Not so much fun. There really isn't much here in this litle Welsh village. Plus all of my friends live in Swansea. I just have Edd. And he's unavailable now that the Playstation network has come back online, and he can play Fifa with his "team" again. So, what is a girl to do with all this time??? Please, ideas would be useful.

Batman has been neutered. I have never seen a cat look so sorry for herself. The night before she went to the vets, we kept her in our room to make sure she didn't eat any food (vet's orders), and she was all snoozey. I was just bumming around on my laptop, learning Swedish, as you do, when I felt a tickle at my foot. I looked up and saw this.....



Isn't that the cutest!? (Please ignore the mess in the background, still waiting for the computer desk to be moved out of the room so we have space for all of our junk. I have a lot of junk) I do love my kitty cat. She is pretty awesome. She didn't even hate me after the vet took away her lady parts. She might hate me when I take her back to get the stitches out and have her vaccinations. But then again, she might be like me and like needles. Probably not though, she hasn't experienced the joy of a tattoo gun.

My first car crash

So today, I crashed Edd's car. Nothing major, it wasn't a huge collision, there were no injuries, but it shook me up pretty badly. I guess I was at fault, but I am generally a careful driver. Neither me nor Edd saw the brake lights of the car in front as it stopped, but apparently it did, and no amount of emergency braking stopped our car. So Jay (the car) has a buckled bumper and a grate fell out of the front. The other car only had a tiny scratch, but the guy was causing a fuss about it. The police took my details, but as we exchanged insurance details, they didn't pursue it. The policeman didn't seem to impressed with the other guy saying there would be loads of damage that we couldn't see because of the bump. I'm a bit worried about what he's going to claim. His wife was nice though. She could see I was shaken up. And Emilia got to press the button to make the blue lights flash on the police car, which calmed her down a bit, as she was a bit shaken up. So I've got sore knees from hitting the steering column when I slammed on the brake. But I've had sweet tea and cake to make me feel better. I'm just thankful it wasn't serious.

Life is made up of photos like this!

Life is going pretty well at the moment. I'm getting more hours at work, and as I've settled in more at Edd's, more stuff has got done. I'm going to start scrapbooking again soon. And I'm feeling crafty. I've made pink heart-shaped cupcakes today. They were rather yummy. I'm feeling rather contented with life right now.

Oh, and it's EUROVISION TONIGHT! One of my favourite television events of the year! SO much joy!



And not forgetting photos like this!

Finding a bit of "me time"

It has become increasingly difficult recently. I've moved in with Edd, and so it's chaotic 24/7. Emilia is getting used to the stability of having a mum, so she can be clingy at times, and only wants to do things with me. I still haven't unpacked all of my things, as there isn't room yet. We're still trying to find Edd a job. Batman has settled in well, although it's hard work stopping the cats eating each others food. And during all this, I am trying to finish knitting the blanket for my niece and learning Swedish (I've been saying this for a while, but I mean it this time!)

Nobody said being an adult would be this stressful! Why didn't anyone warn me?!