I've been in a funk for the last few days. I can tell you why... negativity. It just seems to be everywhere at the moment. I can't escape! And try as I might, it's affecting me. I'm not a negative person. Well, not recently anyways. It seems that most of my negativity ended a while ago and recently it's been fun fun fun. But now... pfft. I honestly enjoy my job. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it's not for everyone. But I'm good at it. I'm not a pushy sales person, I enjoy chatting to people. I'm getting paid to chat! But if I leave my flat in the morning after having a negative conversation about all the things I'm doing wrong with my life, well, it's not going to help me make money, is it? I can't go and be chatty to people if I'm feeling like shit. So... for the record...
1. I have no problems in my relationship at all. Yes, I made mistakes in the past, but people shouldn't be judged on that. And if my love life is so interesting to you, maybe you should take a look at your own. I'm bloody happy with a lovely boyfriend.
2. I have a job which pays well because I put in the effort. Yes, it's not for everyone, but if your friends hated it, it's probably because they thought it would be easy and it's not. It's hard work.
3. I am barely at home anymore, I make little mess, I feel like I can't even leave a plate on the side without having committed a cardinal sin.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my flatmate to bits. I really do. She's helped me through some tough times and I can't think of anyone else I would rather live with. But people go through ups and downs, and I guess this is just a down. I work bloody hard so I can stay in Swansea. I love it here. I have a life here now. I have wonderful people supporting me. Friends who aren't even here, who don't see me hobbling around my flat because my feet are covered in blisters from walking around solidly for 8 hours, 6 days a week. I get support from Mike. Yeah, he's upset that he can't see me during the week, but he's supportive of my job. He sends me encouraging texts during the day, asks me how I'm doing, tells me I can do my job and he's proud of me. I honestly can't see how I'd fuck this relationship up, and I have no intention of doing so. I've grown up, I feel I have, and people can't go around judging others on past experiences, as nobody would ever progress. Also, my mum sending me links for jobs in the civil service and other jobs all the time doesn't help. Especially on the days where I have no sales, feel terrible and want to jack it all in. But that's a very delicate conversation to have and I'm not in the best frame of mind for that yet.
So, that was my little rant. I needed to get it out as it's been stressing me out, hence why I had a migrane of death last night which meant I couldn't work today as I couldn't see straight. My plan to combat this negativity? Avoid it until something else comes along and it all blows over. I know I'm good at my job, I'm happy with my life, so I'll just focus on the positives, the nice things that are said and sod the rest of it.
I haven't updated on my New Years Resolutions for a while... this Saturday I am going to a vegan restaurant with Mike, so that's my new experience for the month! Well, in all honesty, this whole month has been a new experience for me! But this is my definite one!
Also, one of my best friends Hannah is up this weekend, which I am uber excited about. Although it won't be the same without Carys here. It will be like a gingerbread man missing his gum drop buttons. Sigh.
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