My jigsaw family

I am never letting anything break us up.

Edd is so scared of what might happen when Emilia has a meeting with her mum next week. I'm scared too, but I'm not letting on. It kept me awak last night.

I'm distracting myself by planning her birthday party. The main thing is pink, and I'm going to make cup cakes with butterflies on top. She deserves the best and I'm determined to give it to her.

Also, Edd's mum told me that members of their church have said that we look like a family. We are. We may not be the most conventional family, but we work.

Today, I'm feeling angry...

I don't usually get angry about things. I think anger is a waste of energy usually. But today, I am angry. I am angry that the so called child courts in this country seem to think it's a good idea that a child HAS to visit a parent who used to hit them and make them miserable. Apparently, this is in the child's "best interests". OK, I understand that children need both their parents. I get it. I grew up without my dad, and yeah, in some ways it still affects me. But still, I think the whole thing will be more traumatic for the child, who has progressed so much since being with their other parent, who provides a loving and nuturing environment. The child is now outgoing and happy, will laugh and skip and sing and will talk to pretty much anyone. Just like 4 year olds are supposed to do. Understandably, the child misses their parent, but why is it fair that everyone has to go through the stress of watching the child regress back to a state of sadness for nothing?

It just doesn't make sense to me.

Rant over.

Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus

Now, I know I'm not Welsh, but I think that a national day that involves daffodils is great! Also, the costumes are just fantastic!



This is Emilia in the traditional St Davids costume. Doesn't she look adorable!!!!!


Happy St David's Day!

So, I'm still doing well with the whole "jigsaw family" thing. I like that saying. We may look different on the outside, but we all fit together. Emilia is happy to be back in Gorseinon, and she has told me many times that she loves me. It is still a little overwhelming, but I do love it. I am stupidly broody at the moment, but we can't afford a child right now, even though I really really want one. I know it's strange as I've only been with Edd for 4 months, but I have never been this happy before, and no relationship has ever felt so right. He is just so amazing to me and just such an amazing person. He makes me cups of tea in the morning without grumbling and complaining, in fact, he offers! I know! How often do you find a man who does that?! He opens doors for me, he always says thank you if I treat us to lunch or I put petrol in his car. And it's always genuine thanks, he says he's really grateful. I know he's really down about not having a job, and it's not like he's being a benefits bum, he's looking for a job, it's just that the market is really competitive. So, in my eyes, I'm the one who is working, so I don't mind helping out. I really do love that monkey eared boy!

In other news, I went shopping yesterday, and bought girly clothes. SHock horror, but it is true. I have decided that as I'm now 25 and have huge amounts of adult responsibility, maybe I should start dressing like an adult... At least, that's the plan, whether I succeed is another story!

It's hard being a stepmum

... when the only thing you've ever had to look after before is a cactus. And even that died. I'm getting used to it, but sometimes it is so overwhelming. And sometimes I think I'm doing it all wrong. I probably am. But I guess there isn't an instruction manual.

But this man is now my life, everything I have ever wanted. This is one thing I won't mess up.

stuff and happenings

Well, I survived Valentine's Day. It's not my most favourite day of the year, as I feel it puts too much pressure on couples to buy expensive pieces of crap, like teddies with hearts and random heart-related tat, and the meaning of the day is lost. I don't feel like I should be told to show my better half that I love them on a specific day, I show him every day. I tell him every day. And besides, this year the pressure was off as he is currently in Sweden. Although he did phone me in the morning, disrupt me from my bath TWICE (I missed the first one after a frantic scramble to get out of the bath and find a towel, and when I reached the phone it had stopped ringing)... something about his mum wanting to borrow my laptop for a presentation when they got back from Sweden... and tried to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day" to which I shouted some abuse and went back to the bath. Half an hour I later I felt bad, and told him to call back and apologised. See, that's showing love on Valentine's Day. But anywho, I spent the evening with my housemate, who brough home wine, Sex and the City and yum yums. Honestly, Valentine's Day should be about all relationships in your life, not just the romantic one. Although, I did make it clear to her that I wouldn't be partaking in any funny business as I don't swing that way and I didn't care how much she was missing her boyfriend (he's volunteering in South Afric for 6 months, they're halfway through, times are hard).

I'm currently trying (and not succeeding so well, but not quite failing) to be a domestic goddess. I have done laundry, nearly all of it. However, the bed sheets still need changing, and my bedrrom needs hoovering. But the kitchen is still clean, and so is the rest of the house so yay for me.

I'm also getting around to copying down the recepies from all the magazines I left lying around. There are some yummy food ideas swimming around in my head, I just need the money to make them! Gosh I am missing cooking new things. My culinary skills need challenging! And I am yearning to bake! Roll on payday!

Only 4 more days until Edd is back! Yipeee!

I planned to put pictures up of stuff, but my iPhone cable is upstairs, so I'll do it tomorrow.

Finding my place

For some reason, I've recently felt that I have found my place in the world. The pieces may not all be in the right place yet, but I am a fussy mare. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I've never felt so happy with anyone. Sometimes it scares me, I'm terrified that it's all going to go away. I still have difficulties coming to terms with his past, I've never been with a man who has been married before. I know that everyone has a past, I just feel jealous sometimes. Can I make him happy enough to want to get married again? He has said that he wants to get married in the future, and I know he wasn't happy with his previous relationship. The only happy thing about it was Emilia, his daughter. We talk openly about this, which is a huge step forward for me, as I usually bottle things up. But I'm determined to get used to it. Edd came up with a saying, we have a jigsaw family. We all fit together, even if we look different on the outside. I wouldn't change it for anything. I just wish time would hurry up and things weren't so hard with money so we could get a house and start a life together properly. It will happen, I'm just impatient!

Feeling uber positive

So, I haven't blogged for ages. It's a mixture of things really. Mainly, my life has changed so so much in the past couple of months. And it's all for the better. But more on that later. First of all...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

I'm currently at my parent's house in Surrey, having spent Christmas here. It hasn't been too bad I guess. I mean, I have had a great time. I met up with my friends on Christmas Eve, got a bit tiddly. My sister has caused problems, mainly because she's been a bit selfish what with the baby and everything. I don't understand it all really. But I have eaten a lot, and isn't that what Christmas is made for?!

I have meant to keep this blog up, but it's like with all things, life just got in the way. The main development has been my relationship with Edd. It started 2 months ago and I have never been happier. I feel like I have found my place in life. My nan asked me today if this relationship was the one, and I could honestly answer YES. I have never felt like this before and I can't see it changing. Edd has baggage, as does everyone. But I like this baggage. This baggage comes in the form of Emilia. She's 4 years old and I love her to bits already!

So 2011 looks set to be great, and I'm loving life. That is all!