So, it seems that once again my life seems to be at some turning point. I'm not sure that I'm too happy about this one. At the moment I am waiting around to get a coach back to my parents' house to go to my nan's funeral. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the whole situation. I've never been to a funeral before and I really don't know how I'm going to react. I'm taking waterproof mascara.
The summer is ending. You can feel it in the air. The nights are starting earlier and it's starting to get colder. Again, I'm not sure how I feel about this. I do love the summer and all the fun it brings, but then I also love the snug security of winter. But all in all, it has been a rather good summer and I have enjoyed myself. So maybe it's a good thing that winter is coming. I get time to recharge the batteries. Well, not really. As soon as the new university year starts, I'm working 7 days a week. I'm kind of excited about this, as I've got new responsibilities at work, but I'm also dreading it as I will lose any semblance of a social life I once had. I'll just have to see how it pans out I guess.
As for the romance aspect of my life.... well, ever seen a ball of wool that someone has left in the bottom of bag and forgotten about for a few years, and when they find it they discover it's a huge tangled mess? Yeah, that pretty much is the state of affairs at the moment. As usual, I've fallen for the wrong person. I have to give myself some credit that I managed to hold back for quite a while. Usually I fall deeply straight away and it's a huge intense mess that inevitably ends bad. This time though, it was just fun. Just fun, until things started falling down around me, and things were said that gave so much comfort at the time, and now just make things complicated and weird. I didn't want to fall for the australian, I knew it could never be, what with him not being in Swansea for much more than a few months. I tried so hard, honestly I did. And I seemed to be succeeding..... And then he told me he likes me. This may not sound a big deal, but it was the way it was said. At the time when I was just miserable about my nan being in hospital and slowly getting worse, the australian was in the south of France. I had plenty of friends around me to keep me cheerful, but it wasn't the same as having someone who seems to fit next to my body so well. And then to have him say that he wanted to be there to give me hugs and kisses, and to make it in to such a big deal to say that he likes me.... well, honestly, it just spun my head a bit. I know it's not that big a deal. He wasn't declaring undying love or anything like that, but it was just the way it was said, how much of a big deal was made out of saying it. And now? Well, we had a great reunion, and honestly, I felt like the most special girl in the entire world lying in his arms. But, I know this is going to end. It seems to be ending already. I feel selfish for asking him to spend time with me. I feel like I'm annoying him, although I can't place why. And I feel like I can't say anything about feelings or the future, I feel like if I do then I'm going to be that weird bunny boiling girl who everyone runs away from. I'm not like that, I just like to know what's going on. But honestly, I don't know if I could find the words to express how I'm feeling now. I don't think there are any. This mixture of hurt and happiness is no good, but I can't see a way out of it, so I'm learning to cope, no matter how painful it is.
In other news, the kittens are getting bigger and cuter (apart from when they decide play time is when I want to go to sleep), and it's getting harder and harder each day to part with them.
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