A return to a bit of sanity

So, I haven't blogged for a rather long time. A couple of reasons for that really. I haven't had much time, and I haven't really been in the right state of mind. Anything I would have written in the last month or so would have been miserable and a huge rant. Nobody wants to read that really.

However, I'm feeling a lot more cheerful these days, probably because it's nearly Christmas and Starbucks have gingerbread lattes! Oh so much love for those red cups of joy!

I have also been with Edd for a year now! So much happiness coming from that.

Anywho, here is a brief update of the happenings of me, before normal blogging resumes:

My niece has turned one! We went to my parents' house for her birthday, much cake was eating. A very long day though!

My cousin and his wife came to stay with us at the end of October, and we went out for a meal. Emilia had ice cream...

She was rather excited!

We made a cake. Licking the mixture from the bowl is always the best part!

Our pumpkins for Halloween!

Emilia dressed up as a ghost pirate for Halloween. Edd's choice, and he chose well! She looked ace!

My loved up man. He doesn't like this one so much, as he says he looks camp. But also likes it a lot because he says he looks loved up and happy. It's clearly  big dilemma for him!

One year together, filled with highs and lows. Many more to follow. Still stupidly loved up. Not apologising one tiny bit for the soppiness of this!

Bonfire night! Sparklers! And oh so many fireworks! (and a fair few hot dogs!)

So... BIG NEWS!

I'm engaged! Yay! It's all very exciting and I feel like I'm living on cloud nine! I've had a very busy 2 weeks. So much for holidays being relaxing!

Edd proposed out in Sweden, with his nan's engagement ring. I said yes obviously. Some people have said that it might be a bit soon, but I disagree. Sometimes you just know and life can be a fairy tale. I am so in love with this guy and I can't wait to be his wife!

A message to my man

Dearest Eddbum,

Today, I am very proud of you. You've got a job! I know you're trying to be all modest and blase about it, but inside I know you're incredibly happy. I am very very happy too. I know things have been tough this past year for you, and I am hoping that I've made things better. You're an incredibly strong person, even though you don't think it. You're a wonderful dad to Emilia, she thinks the world of you. You're a wonderful boyfriend to me, and I am incredibly lucky to have you. I know I moan sometimes, and nag, and get grumpy about trivial things, I just want every aspect of our life together to be perfect. It's days like today that make me realise that what we have is perfect already. So what if the washing up doesn't get done? We all have each other, we help each other and spur each other on. Even at 6 in the morning when Batman has an accident on the bed....

Today is the start of new things for us, bigger and better things. I want you to know that I love you stupidly big amounts, and I know you're going to do great.

Love,

Your Special K

Our day trip to "sunny" mid-wales...

The sun was shining in Gorseinon, the temperature was a comfortable 20 degrees, so we thought we'd go for a picnic lunch while Emilia was in school. Off we set in the car, listening to The Wombats and feeling good about life.

We headed towards Carmarthen, then went to a place called Ferryside. No lie, as we pulled up, the clouds rolled over...

But, we decided to make the most of it, and have our picnic in the car instead!

I always forget how much I actually like cucumber until I eat it again and I'm like "Oh yeah! I love this stuff!"... thus experiencing this moment when making a cucumber and ham sandwich.

Then the rain came (as it tends to often do in Wales)...

And we saw some crazy men fishing at the estuary. They were crazy, it was very windy!

Then we spotted this dog who appeared to be just wandering around without an owner, but we were in a small village so it wasn't like it was going to get run over or anything.

So there you are, are not so very successful picnic. It was still fun though, and nice to have a change of scenery.

Ever wondered why there are no famous chef couples?

Because cooking with your other half is ridiculously stressful!

Today, we attempted chocolate and orange cookies, and chicken and mushroom pie. All gluten free of course. Anyway, the food turned out great. The cookies were a little crispy, but I was distracted by trying to instruct Edd and left them in the oven too long. But we haven't poisoned anyone, and the food left everyone full up. Emilia even ate the mushrooms in the pie without too much fuss!

But still, trying to instruct your "better half" without sounding like a bossy cow is pretty much impossible. And with the oven on raising the temperature in the room, and you getting frustrated when your boyfriend doesn't understand the words "add slowly"... it can make for a pie with a dodgy pastry crust. Still, I am very proud of our effort. Just need to stop taking my anger out on the pastry....

When does the honeymoon period end?

So, I've heard it said that after 6 months of being in a relationship with someone, the honeymoon period ends. I've been thinking about this, and I'm not sure it really applies to my relationship.

In over 6 months of being together, we've only had 1 whole week completely to ourselves. Even now, as I type this, Batman is walking over my torso to get attention. Paw to the boob isn't the most pleasant experience. Anywho, as I mentioned, we've only had one week to ourselves, where we haven't had Emilia or his parents around. In the beginning, we only had the time after her dropped Emilia off at school, and before he picked her up again. At weekends, we were rarely alone. So, our relationship didn't have a conventional start. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this was a bad thing in any way at all. It made us find out that we're good together very quickly. We're still learning new things about each other now, and there are probably still thousands of things we've still yet to find out about each other. But did we ever have a honeymoon period? Did we ever have that crazy about each other phase where we couldn't keep our hands off each other? Where we sickened other people around us with our lovey dovey behaviour? I think we did.

I still wake up every morning and feel incredibly lucky to be with such a lovely guy. I've never properly lived with a boyfriend before, and I honestly thought that the first time I did, it wouldn't happen so quickly. But here I am, and it doesn't feel weird or scary. His daughter calls me mummy, and it doesn't feel weird or scary. I still fall more in love with him every day, and maybe this is still the honeymoon period. Maybe the honeymoon period doesn't have to end, because when you find the right person, that's how love is meant to be.

Sorry for the excessive use of slushiness here. It has been playing on my mind recently, and I've been thinking about past relationships, and why they didn't last past the 6 month mark. This one is different, and I can't explain it. Maybe it's a sign I've grown up? Or maybe it's a sign I've completely lost my mind? Only time will tell. Until then, I'm going to keep doing this.....

A Big Realisation

So, here's what happened. Yesterday, I was at work. It was a pretty boring day if I'm gonna be honest with you. I got woken up early by the builders who are fixing the back wall, as they wanted to steal our electricity and water. The cheeky buggers then took my keys. Was not too happy about that. It meant I spent time sighing rather than getting to work early as I had planned. Instead I got to work just on time, which wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be early and superduper amazing. Fail.





Anywho, work was rather boring. It was a quiet night. Nothing of interest happened. My boss was in a mood and seemed to take it out on everyone else. Those shifts are never fun. The news was going on and on about the hung parliament and Gordon Brown resigning and other such stuff that didn't grab my attention. Since my boss fiddled with the tv, we no longer get the fun channels that have decent programmes on. We have news. Rubbish. Anyways, there I was, beating the crap out of a burger on the charcoal grill (a favourite hobby of mine), when it happened. My sudden realisation.... Life after graduation is this. All the expectations I had in my final year, wanting university to be finished as life after would be soooo much more exciting, only... it's not. It's as monotonous as university. I wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, repeat... Is this it? Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 40 years? Really? Well, I'm not impressed.





But then... I had another thought, a bit later on when I was at home and pondering aforementioned revelation. Maybe life is only like this because I'm not making it interesting? Maybe I am not looking for the exciting things. The exciting things that happen in every day life. I mean, if you think about it, life is pretty exciting. And I think we spend most of our time worrying that we're not living life to the full enough, which is a bit ironic as we're then actually not living our lives.





I think my recent funk is down to a few things. One is probably my laziness. I am feeling extremely lethargic at the moment. I literally have motivation for about 10 minutes, and then poof! It's gone. I'm going to blame this on my diet. I need more veggies and fruit. And tuna! I shall eat more tuna. Another reason is my lack of free time meaning that all I can see myself doing is working. Now, I've though about this, and it's not strictly true. If I actually woke up at a decent time of the morning rather than afternoon, and did stuff rather than spending all day on Facebook, I might actually enjoy my time more. I have a lot of free time before work, I need to make the most of it. And, maybe another reason is the amount of stupidly intense couples I have surrounding me. I'm not saying me and Mike aren't serious, because I think that we are. But for the first time in my dating life, I am not making everything intense. I guess living in different towns helps with that. And you know what? It's refreshing. Admittedly at times I worry and I panic and I get paranoid that he doesn't want to be with me etc etc. But, then I come to the realisation that if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't be. And what we have is good. I don't feel smothered, or trapped, or anything like that. I feel happy. I may sometimes look at what my housemate Rachel and the guy upstairs have and feel a pang of jealousy. But then I take off the Mills & Boon goggles and look at it rationally. They spend every waking minute together, they spend every sleeping minute together... when do they get their own time? When Mat's at work? When Rachel's upstairs doing her uni work? That's not having your own time really. And when they have their first argument, it's gonna me messy. They've only been together a bit less than two months. Nobody should be that intense that early. I find it amusing though that Rachel moaned about me being too intense in relationships when I first got with Mike... and now look! Pot, kettle, black much. There's also Danny at work. I love him to bits, but he's so loved up all the time! And he is definitely the woman in his relationship. His boyfriend, Dan, is a nice guy, but Danny mothers him. And the plans he's got for his birthday... Jeez. I mean, a treasure hunt around Swansea?! A surprise birthday party with a buffet and a cake that it's taking him 3 days to make?! That just all sounds exhausting! But I guess it works for him, so I'm happy for him in that respect. Clearly, romance is not dead. As for me, I am happy with what I've got. I see Mike when I can, we have a good time and he does give the best cuddles. And despite other temptations from people who shall not be named, I don't want to be with anyone else. I guess this means I'm maturing? I guess maybe I am.

So, from this moment forward, I'm having a life tidy. I'm going to write a big list of things I want to do this year. And I'm going to jolly well do them! I'm going to make my life exciting, I'm going to appreciate the small things in life, and I'm going to spend less time on Facebook (seriously, they need counselling groups for Facebook addiction).

To Blog Or Not To Blog

I've been thinking about blogging for the last few days, but I don't know what to write about. Since the last time I wrote anything, things have been a bit more cheerful. It turns out that the world wasn't ending, and now things are back on track. So smiles all around eh? I'm just feeling so lazy at the moment. I need a kick up the backside. Summer is not the time to be lazy, that's winter's domain. So, I will think about things to write. Fun exciting interesting things.... And stop being so lazy.

Please note the new hair cut. Everyone says it suits me. I think it makes me look like a boy. Does this mean everyone thinks I'm a boy????

Screw 2012, the world is possibly ending now

Ok, maybe that's a bit overdramatic, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to curl up in a ball right now and hide under my duvet until everything is better. I don't think there is a worse feeling than when you know your relationship is ending. The inevitability of it is gut-wrenching. And the pain is multiplied when you know that there's nothing you can do about it, it's the right thing, but it's the one thing you don't want. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You refuse to see it. You can't imagine life being single again. In fact, you can't remember life being single. I detest confrontations, I really loathe them. But... in the next few days I'll have to face this... and it feels me with dread. Until then, the duvet is calling me and I'm definitely taking this call.

A wee post about everything

Well, I haven't blogged in ages, but I finally have some free time to get things down. Lots of things have been going on. Some good, some bad, some ok. I've been working loads. Like, a ridiculous amount! But the money is worth it! Oh yessum :) Although working 6 nights a week took its toll on me at times. And it meant that I couldn't see Mike as much, which was hard. But I have a bit of a break now, so yay!

I had a visit from one of my best friends at the end of February. It was great. Not as drunken as the last time she came up, but still had a great time. We had food from all over the world. Honestly. We had pizza, chinese, japanese and southern fried chicken. It was great. We watched a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I got a tattoo the other day. Another one. On my back. I'll post a photo once it's healed.

My brother is coming to visit for the weekend. It'll be the first time I've spent Easter weekend with a member of my family for 5 years, how strange is that! I'm quite looking forward to it. We get on well when we're not at home, and he seems a bit down. His girlfriend of 2 years has just broken up with him, so he needs some cheering up. Me and Mike are taking him to Face/Off tomorrow night, which is the metal v indie night in Sin City. It's awesome, and I haven't been since my birthday, where I don't remember being there.

Things have been a bit of a rollercoaster with Mike recently. I am in love with him. It's scary. Haven't felt this way about anyone for a long time. But things have been hard. We hardly saw each other for 3 weeks, and while I was working 12 hour shifts at the weekends, he was going out with his friends drinking. I guess he found it different to how we spend our weekends together. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out with his friends, but it's different going out with your friends without your partner there. So anyways, he's still getting used to not seeing me at all, to suddenly seeing me lots again as I have got more free time for a month. But still, we've spoken and things are sorting themselves out. It's weird though, as we both know in a year and a half we'll be moving away. He's going travelling around the world with his friend, I'm planning to move to Peru to teach english... So, I've just decided that I'm going to take it as it comes, and just be happy for what I've got. I'm terrified of losing him, but I don't think I'm going to, so I'm not thinking about it.

Hmmm, that was a bit of a rant, but rather cathartic. I will try and think of something more interesting to write about for my next post. Planning on buying a camera tomorrow, so might do an update of the new flat and how lovely it is!

Random thought...

I haven't blogged for ages. Haven't had much time to really. There's one on the way soon though. Just wanted to share that working all the time sucks and I miss my boyfriend :(

Surprises!

Last night I was watching TV with the boy, blissfuly cuddled up on the sofa, when the doorbell rang. First off, I ignored it. Our doorbell never rings with people actually for us, usually just for the girls upstairs who can't tell the difference between the letters A and B... anywho, the doorbell rang again, so I got up. Answered it. And screamed. There standing in front of me were my two lovely friends from Barcelona. Completely unexpected, as the last I heard they were in Spain. Surprise visit! I have to admit it, I swore rather loudly. But it was in Spanish, so it wasn't as bad. So, it turns out that they've come over for a surprise visit to everyone, and they're staying with their friend Helen. We're going out for drinks on Sunday, which will be fun! AAAAAAAAAAAAND they brought me my favourite spanish snacks! Donettes Rayados, which are possibly the best donuts in the world and I was so addicted to them when I was living in Barcelona. And Lays Campesina, which were the only decent flavoured crisps out there and I sadly got addicted to those too. So, now I am all happy with my wonderful gifts of joy!

Also tonight, I have my first shift back at the diner, and I'm rather looking forward to it. It's an easy job and I did enjoy it. Also, I should be working with Danny again next week, fingers crossed. We had many fun times, singing diva songs and watching Supernatural. Working with camp gay guys is loads of fun!

Complications

Why is life so complicated at times? Honestly, when one thing in my life is going well, something else has to go wrong. Why can't it all run smoothly? I mean really? So, all that's going well is lovely boyfriend, stress free job, more me time. What's going wrong? Banks, money, flat of doom... doom and gloom. Apparently banks are evil, did you know this? It's far too much stress. Money is just evil as well. We try not to let our lives be run by it, after all, there's that saying that money can't buy happiness, yeah? Well, it's true I think. However, money can give you peace of mind, which leads to happiness. Thankfully, in this day and age with so many people being in debt, there are plenty of advice lines and such. So, I think I'm on the right solution and I'm sorting it. Further proof that I am growing up, usually I just ignore these things, which is why I've got in to debt in the past and why I'm probably in debt now.

The flat is just beyond a joke. Seriously, it's just damp and mouldy, and we've been told that it's going to need months of work and that we probably won't be able to live here during that time. Which is not good. We need somewhere to live. I just want it sorted!

In the meantime, I am searching for distractions. One great distraction is Mike. He is very good at making me forget all that is rubbish in my life. How does he do this? Well, with kisses, cuddles and boxes of red wine! Oh yes, we love a good box of red wine. 4 bottles of wine in a box! Bargain. And the drunk conversations that follow. Honestly, I don't need to go out to bars and clubs and spend stupid amounts of money. Just give me lovely people and a box of wine. Obviously, just cuddles and kisses from Mike. And possibly Carys.

Another distraction is knitting. I actually really enjoy knitting, is that sad? It's really relaxing. I've finished the phone sock for Rachel. Complete with fiddly sequins. I'm starting on making her gloves now. And I want to make a blanket. This is also a remedy for the flat of doom's coldness. See, there is method to my madness. And it gives me something to do with my hands when sitting in front of the TV instead of playing games on Facebook. Honestly, I'm so addicted!

I'm rather proud of this :)

Aaaaand.... relax

Well, I am no longer working door to door sales. Last week went from bad to worse, I didn't get much help or support, so yesterday I quit. It was getting too stressful, I wasn't enjoying it and I was becoming grumpy. I'm not a grumpy person, so that was a big indicator for me that it was time to leave. Luckily, I have some part time work lined up in the diner I used to work in, which should turn in to full time after a few weeks. I'm not looking for loads and loads of cash. Just enough to get buy and treat myself occasionally. Happiness is the important thing at the end of the day. I feel so much more relaxed now anyway. It's 1.45 in the afternoon and I've yet to shower and get dressed! It feels great! I can have me time at last!

So tonight, I am going out with my lovely boyfriend to get drunken and chill out. Good times.

Are you happy where you're standing still?

I've been in a funk for the last few days. I can tell you why... negativity. It just seems to be everywhere at the moment. I can't escape! And try as I might, it's affecting me. I'm not a negative person. Well, not recently anyways. It seems that most of my negativity ended a while ago and recently it's been fun fun fun. But now... pfft. I honestly enjoy my job. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it's not for everyone. But I'm good at it. I'm not a pushy sales person, I enjoy chatting to people. I'm getting paid to chat! But if I leave my flat in the morning after having a negative conversation about all the things I'm doing wrong with my life, well, it's not going to help me make money, is it? I can't go and be chatty to people if I'm feeling like shit. So... for the record...

1. I have no problems in my relationship at all. Yes, I made mistakes in the past, but people shouldn't be judged on that. And if my love life is so interesting to you, maybe you should take a look at your own. I'm bloody happy with a lovely boyfriend.

2. I have a job which pays well because I put in the effort. Yes, it's not for everyone, but if your friends hated it, it's probably because they thought it would be easy and it's not. It's hard work.

3. I am barely at home anymore, I make little mess, I feel like I can't even leave a plate on the side without having committed a cardinal sin.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my flatmate to bits. I really do. She's helped me through some tough times and I can't think of anyone else I would rather live with. But people go through ups and downs, and I guess this is just a down. I work bloody hard so I can stay in Swansea. I love it here. I have a life here now. I have wonderful people supporting me. Friends who aren't even here, who don't see me hobbling around my flat because my feet are covered in blisters from walking around solidly for 8 hours, 6 days a week. I get support from Mike. Yeah, he's upset that he can't see me during the week, but he's supportive of my job. He sends me encouraging texts during the day, asks me how I'm doing, tells me I can do my job and he's proud of me. I honestly can't see how I'd fuck this relationship up, and I have no intention of doing so. I've grown up, I feel I have, and people can't go around judging others on past experiences, as nobody would ever progress. Also, my mum sending me links for jobs in the civil service and other jobs all the time doesn't help. Especially on the days where I have no sales, feel terrible and want to jack it all in. But that's a very delicate conversation to have and I'm not in the best frame of mind for that yet.

So, that was my little rant. I needed to get it out as it's been stressing me out, hence why I had a migrane of death last night which meant I couldn't work today as I couldn't see straight. My plan to combat this negativity? Avoid it until something else comes along and it all blows over. I know I'm good at my job, I'm happy with my life, so I'll just focus on the positives, the nice things that are said and sod the rest of it.

I haven't updated on my New Years Resolutions for a while... this Saturday I am going to a vegan restaurant with Mike, so that's my new experience for the month! Well, in all honesty, this whole month has been a new experience for me! But this is my definite one!

Also, one of my best friends Hannah is up this weekend, which I am uber excited about. Although it won't be the same without Carys here. It will be like a gingerbread man missing his gum drop buttons. Sigh.

Trying to get it right

Well, after my horrible horrible day on monday, I kicked arse on tuesday. We had a blizzard and I still made 2 sales. I beat my leader. I was on fire. And it's all gone to poo again these past 2 days, and I can't see where I'm going wrong. I have 6 sales left to meet my goal for the week. 2 days left of the week. I know I can do this job, I just know I can. It's hard work, my feet are absolutely killing me. But I WANT to succeed. I'm not a quitter. I need to sort myself out.

It also sucks not being able to see Mike during the week. I miss him rather a lot. I know we've got the weekends together, and I know we'll make the most of it. I just miss having that hug mid-week. The one that keeps me going until the weekend. Although he has been great, kept my spirits up and made me smile even when I felt like crying yesterday. I want to do well at this job, earn the money to show him how much he means to me. Jeez, I'm falling hard for him....

Drunken fools...

... but we make a cute couple!

Icy

It's very very icy at the moment in Swansea. It took me half an hour to walk to work yesterday, that's twice as long as usual, as I was slipping and sliding everywhere! And we were locked out of the call centre for half an hour as nobody had a key to get in. It was very cold, let me tell you. The ice is also bad today, Mike had trouble getting out of my road, his car was sliding all over the place. Eventually, some neighbours came to help and he managed to escape. It was all rather dramatic as he nearly slid in to a skip and another car. Stupid ice.

I've finished at the call centre! No more talking to people with swine flu. Hurrah! I start my new job tomorrow and I'm excited about it now. Best part? I don't have to start until 11am! That's a like a 4 hour extra lie-in for me! No more waking up at 5am!

Mike has now named Sundays Fajita Sundays, apparently we have to have fajitas every Sunday. I'm not complaining that much, as I do love fajitas. I had guacamole with mine today as well. Only problem is, Mike refuses to chop onions. Flat out refuses. So I am chief onion chopper. And chief weeper due to stupid onions.

I am getting on well with the knitting. I have made a phone sock for one of the old guys at the call centre. I am rather proud of myself. Slowly turning myself in to a domestic goddess! I know it's only a small thing, but it's still an achievement. Next job... fingerless gloves! (Fingers look a bit too complicated!)

Resolutions update: Going well!

Driving home for Christmas

Ho ho ho! I am feeling all festive as I'm going home tomorrow for Christmas! This will be the first time I've been home since August, and I'm rather excited. Home cooked food, a warm house that isn't full of mould and PRESENTS! I think that when you move away you appreciate Christmas a lot more as a time of family rather than a time to get drunk. Of course, I'll be getting drunk too, but that'll be with my family!

So, for nostalgia purposes, my Christmas last year (where I had red hair! This year it's purple!):

I'm not looking forward to the time when I have a Christmas away from home. It's going to be weird. I am looking forward to openening the present from Mike however. I love surprises! He's just left mine and I now won't see him until the 28th, which seems aaaaaaages away, but in reality it isn't. I am impatient!

Ill ill ill

My flat is trying to kill me. I swear. My throat is swollen so badly it feels like I'm swallowing knives. My nose is running permanently, and my ears are getting blocked. It's so cold here! I've got the heating on quite high now. We've given up caring how much it's costing.

In an attempt to escape this freezer, I have spent the weekend at Mike's. Not that his attic room is much warmer, but the shared body heat is good! And he was such a funny drunk on Saturday night! Honestly, the "I'm taking my jeans off but I'm too drunk to stand on one foot so I'm hopping all over the place" dance was amazing, and I couldn't stop giggling. The more time I spend with him, the happier I am, and I'm falling for him in a big way.

For my birthday, 3 good things happened. Numero uno: I got taken for a birthday breakfast by Natalie, a girl I work with. I love hashbrowns. I really really do.

Numero dos: I got the job! Start on 4th January, and I'm rather excited. I must buy thermal underwear first though. Just to survive the sub-zero temperatures of South Wales.

Numero tres: Mike took me bowling! And I beat him! Oh yes! We also went on the big wheel, even though it was really cold. I'm quite partial to bowling shoes. I think my new mission is to find a pair I can wear as trainers that don't make you slip everywhere.

Also this week, I went shopping in Toys R Us with my friend Kieran, as he wanted to buy his brother a jigsaw puzzle. Seriously, I discovered why my mum would never let us go there when I was little. It's AMAZING!!!! Although I saw many toys that I would have loved as a child, and suddenly felt really deprived. Also, the range of toys available to kids these days is mind blowing! We felt like children again!

Keiran loved the kitchen

Look at the battery operated cars!

It spells MIKE... something to brighten his day

Foam toys are the best!

All in all it's been a good week. I'm going home for Christmas on wednesday, although my Christmassy feeling has gone. Hopefully when I get on that coach it'll come back.