A mixed review of a week

It's been a bit of a werid one this week. Ups and downs, laughs and tears.

Edd's job fell through. Not enough old men for them to give him hours. It's rather gutting. I know he is more upset about it than he is letting on. It's rather gutting as he wants to be working and we need the extra money, but something will turn up, I just know it will.

I felt really down on Wednesday. I think I woke up and was instantly put in a bad mood by Edd being grumpy with me for elbowing him in the ribs. Apparently I seemed awake when I did this, but as it was 4 in the morning, I highly doubt I was. So I was told of for something I did in my sleep, which seemed highly unfair to me. It was just one of those days where you feel down and want to curl up in your bed all day under the duvet, and watch girly films and read a trashy novel. Alas I had to go to work and that made it ten times worse. I have no idea why I felt like this. I got over it, and felt much better after fajitas and a cuddle in the evening. Being in a relationship is good like that, going from one extreme to the other. I guess that's how proper relationships are meant to function.

I've been positive about planning the wedding. Still so many ideas running through our heads. It's good that I can talk to Edd about it, and I really don't want him to feel left out. I've been looking through magazines with Angharad (one of the mums from Emilia's school), as she's getting married next year and is getting excited about it. I never realised how much planning a wedding takes. It's bloody good fun though!

I'm also doing really well in work, and proving that I am a hard worker. I made a ridiculously big sale today after a successful bra fit. I'm trying to prove myself invaluable to the shop, which I think I'm doing as I know everything that is going on in the stockroom and how to work well on the shop floor. It's all about self preservation, I don't want to be let go if they need to get rid of people!

Part way to being a grown up

Kelly at work asked me today how I knew Edd was The One. I didn't know how to reply. There wasn't one defining moment. At least, I can't think of one. No bolt of lightning, a flourish of trumpets or anything like that. I just knew. Apparently this can just happen. I'm all for going with gut feelings, listening to your intuition and all that. I couldn't offer any advice on how I knew, which I what I think she angling for. When Edd proposed to me, there was no doubt in my mind that I would say yes. Honestly, I'd thought about it many times before. About where and when it would happen, but no amount of thinking can prepare you for it. I knew I wanted to marry the man I call Eddbum about 3 weeks after we got together. I daydreamed seeing him at the end of a church aisle giving me the wink that makes my insides melt, wearing a suit. Now, most would agree that this is rather an odd daydream to be having so soon in to a relationship, seeing as we had only kissed the first time a few days before. Want to know something even more odd? Edd had the same kind of daydream at the same time. Yeah. Freaky.

Maybe it's just all a part of growing up and finding your place in the world. It just happens naturally, you don't notice it. Just like many of the big things in life, you can't predict it coming, but when it does it feels like the most natural thing in the world. I want this to be my place in the world, I can't imagine anywhere else I'd rather be.

The perfect venue?

We have found it. It's expensive, but after seeing it for real today, not just a picture, we're more determined than ever. About to commence: 3 years of saving.

My holiday to Sweden Part 3

I've been trying to think of a way to describe how quiet and peaceful it was out in Sweden, but I'm struggling for a comparison. We're so used to sound being around us constantly that we're not even aware of it. If you were to go out in to your garden right now, I can wager that it won't be completely silent. You might consider it to be quiet if it's night time, but then there will be the noises that we've grown so accustomed to that we don't even notice anymore. Even in the day time, say, when all the kids are at school, it's never completely silent. The distant rumble of cars, a far away siren, a dog barking somewhere, birds singing in trees... it's never completely quiet. Maybe that's why it was so shocking to me, the silence that I heard (if that's the right word?) in Sweden. I'd grown accustomed to hearing all that background noise that we take for granted, that it was overwhelming not to hear it out there. And yet, at the same time, it was comforting. To be able to get away from everything, just the silence of the trees, punctured occasionaly by the squawking of a bird of prey (I discovered that this was why I couldn't hear any other birds!), was an amazing feeling. I'd never been to a place that offered complete escapism before. Holidays before have always been to hotel resorts or to cities. Now, there is nothing wrong with this. In Cuba, at times it felt like there was no one else, just me, the beach and the crystal blue sea stretching on forever. But even there, there was the constant noise of activity in the hotel. As much as I enjoy resort holidays, I have discovered a new love for completely getting away from it all. For the all pervading silence.

And with views like this, who can blame me?

My trip to Sweden Part 2

Here it is, the second installment! To be honest, I don't know how many parts there will be. We'll just see how it goes.

This part is all about Emilia. Edd had told me that Emilia is like a different child out in Sweden, as she considers it her safe place and she's relaxed and happy-go-lucky. Honestly, I couldn't see the difference. I guess this means she's relaxed and happy-go-lucky all the time now. I hope this is the case. I never knew her when she lived with her mum, so never saw her feeling sad and scared and quiet. I'm glad about this as I don't know how I would feel about it. I get glimpses sometimes when she gets upset, but this rarely happens now.

This is one of my favourite pictures. It was taken after we landed and is Emilia running up to her grandparents. She was so excited to see them. If you ever needed proof of love in the world, it's right there.

First day excitement. See those shoes? They're mine. I've come to accept that Emilia will "borrow" my shoes for dressing up. I don't mind. It's rather sweet. The bike is her new bike in Sagen. She has a blue tricycle out there, but she's now banned from using it. Two reasons... 1. She's too tall for it now (she's nearly 4' tall! A giant in the world of 5 year olds!) 2. We've been encouraging her to ride on two wheels. She's learnt on the two wheelers at school, they're big heavy bikes with no brakes and are quite low to the ground. This is the next step. Has she learnt? Read on....

Success! She can ride her bike. And she rides it fast! I had to actually pedal properly to keep up with her! Edd has some better pictures on his phone of the little madam riding her bike, sticking her legs out and looking incredibly adorable. We both felt very proud of her, and her confidence is soaring with it.

Being a 5 year old must be great. Everything is an adventure. Life is full of asking questions. I think we lose that fearlessness as we get older. We don't ask why. We don't ask how. We just accept things are the way they are. Yet, a small child wants to know why things are in certain places, how things work, what's round the next corner, where does this path lead... Maybe the world would be a much more exciting place if we still thought the same way. These pictures are only of Emilia exploring a family friends garden, yet it was still an adventure.

As was meeting this frozen fish!

Yes, this is cute!



You're never too old to throw stones into water!

Now, this is some impressive photography on my part. But I look at it and think, one day, I'll make sure that she can reach the sky properly. I'm going to give this amazing little girl the best possible life.

 My eye mask....

 A trip to the river. There wasn't a lot for kids to do there, but we had a good time. Needless to say, in the heat and boredom, Emilia did get a bit stroppy. But what child wouldn't?! Once she got over her fear of the tiny fish in the river ( I think they were stickleback), she wanted to go in there all the time!

Redcurrant picking was great fun. And when you're 5 you get to be highly selective about which redcurrant makes it in to your pot. None of us were privy to the criteria for this selection process, but we were thankful for the help. We picked 10kg of redcurrants by the end of the afternoon, which is a lot!

We went on the row boat for an afternoon. Well, we did until the clouds came and we had to cut it a little short due to impending rain. Oddly enough, Emilia wasn't scared of this water! I even had a go at rowing, and Emilia kept telling me not to crash the boat like I did the car. She likes reminding me of that.

You see these two right here?

They're my world.

My holiday to Sweden Part 1

So, it seems that weddings are a lot of work to plan. Eeeep. So, I thought I'd write about our holiday to Sweden. I'm going to do it in parts, as I want to talk about lots of things, but I don't want a boring rambly post that goes on and on forever and you want to tape your eyes shut by the end of it.

This is Edd's parents house. That's Emilia standing in the doorway. It's a very nice house, and didn't cost them a lot. It's has 3 floors. 1st floor, ground floor and the basement level which has a gazillion rooms. The houses in Sweden seem to be cheap, at least in the countryside. And they are all in the same style and very picturesque. Edd's parents have a big garden attached to this house. They're planning to build a summer house out in the trees. It'll be yellow too. The house has wooden flooring inside, which was great because the stairs creaked when Emilia was trying to sneak down.

This is Edd on his dad's lawn mower (that's his dad standing in the background making sure he doesn't crash).

See what I mean about the houses? I love the colour of the red on this house, although traditionally the houses are a lot darker red, as they paint them with a by-product from copper factories. This house belongs to Bob and his wife, who are Dutch and their parents run a B&B in the village and own the old train station.

This is me standing on a bridge over the river that flows behind Edd's parents house. There's a special tower filled with chalk next to the river that releases some chalk in to the river every 30 seconds because the water is so acidic. Pretty random. The water is also orangey because of the peat from the earth around it. This river is just full of interesting things.

Just like this! It's a tiny little frog that we found when we were walking alongside the river! Apparently they can grow to be a foot long! Luckily, this one was little. I don't think I would have liked to encountered a big one!

This is the sign for the village. It's pronounced Saw-gun. There are only about 15 houses and it's very quiet. Edd has a picture of it covered in snow. I have yet to go out there in the snow, but I'm looking forward to it. Not the cold though. I'm not a fan of cold.

So that was part 1. Just a general introduction. Look out for the sequel, coming to a computer screen near you.

So... BIG NEWS!

I'm engaged! Yay! It's all very exciting and I feel like I'm living on cloud nine! I've had a very busy 2 weeks. So much for holidays being relaxing!

Edd proposed out in Sweden, with his nan's engagement ring. I said yes obviously. Some people have said that it might be a bit soon, but I disagree. Sometimes you just know and life can be a fairy tale. I am so in love with this guy and I can't wait to be his wife!