How do you teach a child to read?

This is the main question that has been puzzling me for the past few days, having been trying to get Emilia to read. We were making good progress before, but now I realise that she was only remembering the story, not learning how to read. It doesn't seem as though the school is helping, which is often the case, as they leave struggling children behind. She is interested in stories and books. We went to the library this morning, and we read some books there. Well, I read them, she listened. I point to the words when reading, but it is very difficult to get her to look at the words. She is forever looking around the room or at the pictures. She faces the book when I get her to read her school book to me, but her eyes are off to the side. I am at a loss as to how to get her to pay attention. We took out 10 books from the library, and now Edd's dad and I have spent an hour going over the letters F, U and N to get her to sound them out and put them together to make a word. She is so easily distracted and would so anything not to do as she was asked. It's trying my patience, yet I know that the only way she will learn is if I have patience with her and keep encouraging her. I also found out that her maternal grandfather had told her not to learn to read and that she is stupid and will never learn to read. It's going to take years to undo that damage. I want her to learn to love books as much as I do. I can't believe someone would want to ruin another persons life like that before they've even had a chance. The world is full of some horrible people.

Raspberry Pavlova ice cream? Don't mind if I do!

Edd's parents are back from Sweden. This means Emilia is back, yay! This also means that the clashing of opinions has started and in the past 4 days there have been plenty of raised voices, boo. It's just getting used to all 5 of us living under the same roof again, but still, the stress levels are high at the moment. Hence the ice cream.

In other news, we have pretty much booked the wedding reception venue! Yay! It's all suddenly getting really real now. Oddly enough, all I can think about is having a little baby boy to be a page boy in a cute little suit.... got to stop being broody!

Emilia has now decided that when she is an adult, she's going to be a doctor. I was her first patient...

My trip to Sweden Part 2

Here it is, the second installment! To be honest, I don't know how many parts there will be. We'll just see how it goes.

This part is all about Emilia. Edd had told me that Emilia is like a different child out in Sweden, as she considers it her safe place and she's relaxed and happy-go-lucky. Honestly, I couldn't see the difference. I guess this means she's relaxed and happy-go-lucky all the time now. I hope this is the case. I never knew her when she lived with her mum, so never saw her feeling sad and scared and quiet. I'm glad about this as I don't know how I would feel about it. I get glimpses sometimes when she gets upset, but this rarely happens now.

This is one of my favourite pictures. It was taken after we landed and is Emilia running up to her grandparents. She was so excited to see them. If you ever needed proof of love in the world, it's right there.

First day excitement. See those shoes? They're mine. I've come to accept that Emilia will "borrow" my shoes for dressing up. I don't mind. It's rather sweet. The bike is her new bike in Sagen. She has a blue tricycle out there, but she's now banned from using it. Two reasons... 1. She's too tall for it now (she's nearly 4' tall! A giant in the world of 5 year olds!) 2. We've been encouraging her to ride on two wheels. She's learnt on the two wheelers at school, they're big heavy bikes with no brakes and are quite low to the ground. This is the next step. Has she learnt? Read on....

Success! She can ride her bike. And she rides it fast! I had to actually pedal properly to keep up with her! Edd has some better pictures on his phone of the little madam riding her bike, sticking her legs out and looking incredibly adorable. We both felt very proud of her, and her confidence is soaring with it.

Being a 5 year old must be great. Everything is an adventure. Life is full of asking questions. I think we lose that fearlessness as we get older. We don't ask why. We don't ask how. We just accept things are the way they are. Yet, a small child wants to know why things are in certain places, how things work, what's round the next corner, where does this path lead... Maybe the world would be a much more exciting place if we still thought the same way. These pictures are only of Emilia exploring a family friends garden, yet it was still an adventure.

As was meeting this frozen fish!

Yes, this is cute!



You're never too old to throw stones into water!

Now, this is some impressive photography on my part. But I look at it and think, one day, I'll make sure that she can reach the sky properly. I'm going to give this amazing little girl the best possible life.

 My eye mask....

 A trip to the river. There wasn't a lot for kids to do there, but we had a good time. Needless to say, in the heat and boredom, Emilia did get a bit stroppy. But what child wouldn't?! Once she got over her fear of the tiny fish in the river ( I think they were stickleback), she wanted to go in there all the time!

Redcurrant picking was great fun. And when you're 5 you get to be highly selective about which redcurrant makes it in to your pot. None of us were privy to the criteria for this selection process, but we were thankful for the help. We picked 10kg of redcurrants by the end of the afternoon, which is a lot!

We went on the row boat for an afternoon. Well, we did until the clouds came and we had to cut it a little short due to impending rain. Oddly enough, Emilia wasn't scared of this water! I even had a go at rowing, and Emilia kept telling me not to crash the boat like I did the car. She likes reminding me of that.

You see these two right here?

They're my world.

How do you get a 5 year old to eat vegetables?!

Grow them and get her to pick them! It's worked! Emilia is now eating her vegetables without any fuss. She's even saying yum and giving them a thumbs up! Mega achievement!

Tantrums... a mother's worst nightmare

Look at that face. That doesn't look like a face that is capable of high pitched screaming, shouting, crying and stamping feet, does it? Well, looks can be deceiving! The other day, this lovely face had a full blown tantrum in Asda. Emilia rarely has tantrums, and she has never had one with me when we're out. I think I handled it quite well.

What was this tantrum about? I hear you cry. Well, a Disney Princess magazine. I was going to buy her it, as her teachers had said great things about her at school that morning when I went in to see how she's doing. I said to her she'd have to be a good  girl all evening to have the magazine. She agreed. I'm all about reinforcing positive behaviour you see. 4 years of a psychology degree comes in handy sometimes. Cut forward 5 minutes, Emilia decides she's going to lick my arm. Not good. Magazine goes back on the shelf. Tantrum begins. Snot EVERYWHERE. Stamping feet. High pitched wails of the word magazine are repeated over and over. I just carry on dragging her around the shop as I still needed to get things for dinner, and no screaming 5 year old was going to stop me.

What surprised me most of all was the sympathetic looks from other parents in the store. I thought I'd have judgemental looks, people thinking I couldn't control my unruly child. I guess it must have been obvious that she had misbehaved because everytime she shouted "I want the magazine", I just replied "Well, you should have been good." Now, I know some of you might think that it was a bit extreme for just an arm lick. However, I think I was right. I'm not going to encourage behaviour like that. Yes, it's not the most naughty of actions, but I want to nip things like that in the bud before they get out of control. I don't agree with smacking, so I never use that as a threat of punishment, and besides, she was hit all the time at her mum's, it's not a real threat for her. Emilia can't tell the time yet, so saying she's going to bed early isn't a threat really. The witholding of pudding is reserved for meal times when she's refusing to eat her food. So, it seemed like the best idea. And it worked. She was as good as gold all evening, and the next day, so I bought her the magazine to reward that good behaviour. It's taking a long time to get her out of the habits that the other lot got her in to. She knows I don't respond to tantrums, and she won't get what she wants if she screams at me. Slowly, but surely, we're getting there.

My little red riding hood

Emilia's class had a sharing assembly at their school. This is where the parents are invited in and the children put on a show consisting of all the things they have learnt in the term. Emilia was Little Red Riding Hood. I made the red cape myself, rather proud of that. She was very good in the show and I was very proud of her. Move over Catherine Zeta Jones, there's a new star in town! Here are some pictures...

 

Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it...

Today, I have felt like the worst mum in the world. I'm tired, stressed out, and I told Emilia I didn't want to be her mum. I didn't mean it, and I feel like a horrible horrible person. I just lost my temper. Being a step mum is so hard. Nothing can prepare you for it. Being a step mum to a little girl who is as damaged as Emilia is, well, it's incredibly hard. Somedays, it's all fine. Somedays, she is like the child from hell. I can't blame her, she has had a terrible start to life. She doesn't know right from wrong. Well, she was taught that wrong is right really. I know this is going to take a long time. As she gets more settled, the bad behaviour will disappear. She won't be so needy, so disruptive, so scared, so confused. It's just that sometimes I feel I can't cope. It's all so much in such a short space of time that sometimes it's just so overwhelming. I worry that I'm doing everything wrong. I never had time to prepare for this. And yet... I wouldn't change it for the world. When I think about how she was mistreated I get so angry, and I just want to make sure that nothing bad every happens to her again. I'm trying to encourage her, stimulate her, get her brain active. There is a clever child in there, I know there is, but I'm worried that her lack of stimulation in her early years might mean it's too late. I don't know where to turn for advice. This family life is a learning experience for all of us. I know it'll be worth it, and I'm proud every time I hear her call me mum. I just wish it was a little bit easier.

Quick post

I'm stupidly busy at work at the moment, thus really tired when I get home and have no time or energy for blogging. However, I am posting this quickly to sat woohoo! We had the cafcass report and they are recommending no direct contact between Emilia and her mum, which is good. So we just have to wait to see what the judge says at the hearing next Thursday. Anywho, just wanted to share my joy! Now, my bed is calling me....

WARNING:Post contains mild irritation and a bit of a rant

Now, before I start, I'm not claiming that I'm an ideal person, a perfect person, or that we're living in what would be the ideal place. But I'd just like to make it clear, that we're trying our hardest.

A story in the news yesterday really wound me up. David Cameron, our wonderful "elected" Prime Minister had said that "runaway fathers" (his new catchphrase) should be looked upon by society in the same manner as drink drivers. Basically, with disgust. Now, partly, I agree with this. Having come from a background where my biological father was a "runaway father", who failed dismally at paying maintenance for his 3 children. I'm not one to get involved in politics, but this story got to me. Yes, it's wrong that one parent has to foot the bill of bringing up a child while the other parent pays nothing. What is more wrong however, is the way this statement was made.

It's not just single mothers out there. What about the single fathers? Society conveniently forgets that sometimes the father is actually left looking after the child. It's like society can't handle the idea of the maternal role not being fulfilled, which is reflected in maintainance cases that go to court. If a father doesn't pay maintainance, it's very difficult for them to seek access to their child, on account of the financial difficulty they are putting the mother through. Howeverm it's not the same for the reverse. Apparently, it's "a mother's right" to see her child, regardless of whether they pay money towards said child's upkeep or the emotional trauma this places the child under.

And now, the government want to charge people for using the service they provide to ensure that child maintainance is paid. Surely this reeks of hipocrysy? The governemnt want absent fathers to pay child maintainance, but they want the mothers to pay a service fee for receiving said maintainance... Oh no wait, it's just another example of how the government is trying to get more money. I'm sure someone will be getting a big bonus for coming up with that idea, all paid for by the tax payer of course...

But anyway, aside from the politics aspect of this, the reason this story affected me so much is to do with Emilia's mum. There is still the issue of contact, and we have a court hearing coming up soon. I can see it from both sides really. The welfare lady (I don't really know what to call her) is going to suggest one final meeting between Emilia and her mum so that Emilia can say goodbye. I agree with this, as if she is denied the chance to say goodbye, it will have repercussions later on in her life. However, I don't think prolonged contact would be a good idea. Her mum's solicitor is saying that she is asking to see Emilia, well at the end of th day that's tough. She gave up that right when she abused and neglected her own innocent daughter. Just because she is now dying doesn't meant that right is now reinstated. Furthermore, the way that she is dying means that she's is going to deteriorate further and further, and how is it in Emilia's best interests to see that? I also feel that if her mum is so concerned about her, why isn't she paying maintainance towards her upkeep? How can she deman to see a child she refuses to pay for? What do they think children live on, air?

Which brings me to my final point (I did warn that this would be a rant...). As the child welfare lady has now seen that Emilia is settled, and knows that she calls me Mummy and it was a voluntary thing that she started after she saw her mum last time, in her report to the judge, she is going to mention this fact. I know full well that the other side is going to kick up a fuss about this, but at the end of the day they can't do anything about it. They have no say over who Edd dates, they have no say about where Emilia lives (as long as it's not outside the UK), and as they've broken the court order preventing contact by sending a t-shirt with a picture of Emilia's emaciated dying mum on it (honestly, WTF?!), they pretty much can't say anything. I am the one who pays for Eilia's food, her clothes, her toys. I'm the one who takes her to school, who cooks her dinners, who reads with her, encourages her to write and plays with her. They gave all of that up when they neglected her. So they can say naff all about our little jigsaw family, about Emilia's welfare, when they aren't even prepared to pay to ensure that she has food to eat. They never bothered before though, so why would they now?

Nothing is going to break this little family up.

Just a pondering...

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I think I'm doing well at being mum to Emilia, I mean, it seems I'm doing well, and I've been wondering....

Could I handle another one of my own?

What happens when you overthink

I'm sitting here with a cuppa, thinking about what to write. I want to give an update on things that have been happening, but I fear it may turn in to a dreary rant in the state of mind that I'm currently in. (I blame the rain, I was perfectly happy this morning when the sun was out) So I think I'm going to leave the update for later until I can cearly figure out what I want to say without sounding too depressing, because let's face it, nobody wants to read depressing blogs.

So, instead, here is Emilia's sports day at school! Alas I was not there, I was at work, but Edd took lots of pictures for me, and now I'm sharing them with you! You lucky people...

The joys of shopping with a 5 year old

You get awesome photos like this.... ^

But it's not so fun when you're trying on the bras and she decides to run in and out, thus displaying your chesticles to the shop, and all of your work colleagues. Luckily, they're used to seeing boobs.

I also saw this....

My broodiness has reached new heights. Bad times people, bad times.

Three little piggies.....

I meant to post this blog a couple of days ago, but have just been so exhausted from work, this is the first time I've been able to. I'm falling asleep as I type this though.

Emilia had the story sack home from school on Monday. If a child gets picked to have the story sack, it's the reception version of taking the class pet home for a night. She was over the moon. I think that might have been more to do with the play-dough inside the back, but anyway. This story sack was about the three little pigs. There was a story book, three pig finger puppets, a big bad wolf, a pairs game, a number game, the aforementioned play-dough with some activity cards. It was all very exciting. We read the story together and acted it out using the puppets. We played the number games and the pairs game, and then got on to the play-dough. Emilia loved the play-dough, my time was spent making sure she or one of the cats didn't eat the stuff.

This being a step mum malarky has some perks.