There's no higher ground to stand than bottom of the pile

Money worries. They come to all of us sooner or later. In my case, they have never really left. I guess I can count myself lucky in that I have a job. Edd gets down because he's unemployed and there are just no jobs out there at the moment. And the ones he does apply for, he either never hears back or has an interview, gets told there are about 100 people applying for 1 position, and never hears back from the interview. He wants to be working. I want him to be working, it would do his self confidence the world of good. But in the meantime, I don't mind being the breadwinner. If only the money was a bit better. But we're coping. Just. Money is tight this month, what with having to pay the excess on the car insurance after my bump, and buying food as Edd's parents aren't here to do it. I never relied on them for food, his mum had always cooked dinner when I got home from work, and every time I offered to buy food they wouldn't let me. Still, we have enough food to keep us going for a while, and more money coming in at the end of the week, it's just going to be a week of no spending until Friday. I don't need much anyway. I have everything I need lying next to me (it's Edd, not Batman).

Gluten free living

It can be a little stressful. You can't just go to the shop and buy a cake. Well, you can, but it'll cost you three times as much. I took the decision to live mostly gluten free for Edd. I still have bread and breadcrumbed stuff, normal burgers and normal sausages (sometimes), but mostly, everything I cook is gluten free. I don't believe it's fair that he has to eat it all by himself, and also this means that I'm not cooking 2 different meals each night. This has meant that I have sacrificed Domino's and Pizza Hut, but isn't that what love is about? A bit of give and take? It just means that I get to bake more cupcakes, and I really do love baking!

So, in my gluten free endeavours, I am going to make mini pizzas. The pizza bases Edd gets on prescription are alright, but they're small and go quickly. The boy loves pizza. So, I found a recipe for mini pizzas, and the plan is to make a whole batch of them, then freeze them (precooked obviously), so we can use them whenever. It'll be gluten free bread after that, but I'm taking it one step at a time. Besides, my gluten free chicken and mushroom pie didn't turn out too bad....

An update through the medium of photos

Here are some things I have been doing in the past week...

Making jam with strawberries we picked at the Pick Your Own at Nichalston Farm in the Gower. I must say, it is very good jam. I've done myself proud!

Dressing up as pumpkins... Because we can

Spending time with friends... Emilia and Danny, they're only 5 yet they're already getting married when they are adults apparently

Having a teddy bears picnic!

Doing giant steps on stepping stones

Exploring new places

Creating works of art (Einstein was messy too, you know)

So so sleepy

I didn't sleep well last night. Emilia woke up early for once. She has had a friend round to visit today, along with his mum and 2 year old sister. I made mashed potato mountains for lunch for everyone. I then made spaghetti bolegnese for tea. Did the washing up. Made some more jam as the strawberries need using up before they go mouldy (I'm totally getting better at it). Did 3 loads of laundry. Repotted the marrows. Sorted out the recycling only to realise the collection is a day later because of the bank holiday. I can't even begin to tell you how many plates I've washed up today. And then struggled to convince Emilia that even though it's still light it is actually bed time. Two and a half hours that "game" went on for. I was going to blog about my jam making and my night out bowling dressed as a pumpkin, but I think I'm just going to sleep instead.

I made jam today

I am unbelievably proud of myself. My own mother has never made jam before. We have one jar of gooseberry jam and 2 jars of strawberry jam cooling in the kitchen at the moment. I am so beyond Nigella and Delia right now it's ridiculous. We still have loads of strawberries left from the pick your own farm we went to today. I would upload photos with this blog so you can be amazed at my domestic skills with me, but I haven't figured out how I can do that on my phone yet. So, I will put photos up when I can.

I'm having jam on toast for breakfast tomorrow!

I'm no Supernanny

Emilia was a nightmare yesterday, and absolute terror. The amount of tantrums and high pitched screaming reached new levels. And I'm sorry to say, we both lost it and shouted at her. Properly shouted. I felt terrible afterwards. It didn't make things better. I just don't understand discipline for children. Threatening an early bed time is useless as she can't tell the time yet, so time is irrelevant to her. We've taken toys away, she still carries on misbehaving. Time outs rarely seem to work as she works herself up in to a hysterical mess and trashes her bedroom. At times I'm at a complete loss for what to do. I know it's going to be hard work after what she went through with her mum, and it's scares me when I see her curl up in a defensive position if someone shouts at her. I'd never hit her, and I've told her that many times. I rarely shout at her, only when I'm really cross, and it usually has the desired effect, Yesterday was a different story, she was on a whole new level yesterday. I know everyone has their off days, but she really struggles with being told what to do and being told no. I've got a theory that maybe she's finally feeling settled and is pushing the boundaries to see how much she can get away with. It's stressful, and I know it's going to take a long time. I just wish there was some sort of instruction manual.

Or a mute button.

What happens when you stop going out partying, but then decide to try and keep up with the friends who still do

You are sitting on your bed the next day, it's just gone 10pm, it's a Saturday night, and all you can think about is how much you just want to go to sleep. To curl up under the duvet and give your tired, partied out feet a rest. To sleep in a proper bed, rather than on your friend's sofa, which was leather, so very cold, and you got poked in the middle of the night (read morning) by a sneaky tv remote that had hidden itself behind a cushion. But then you realise... you're only 25, you shouldn't be considering bed at this time. It's the weekend for crying out loud. Well do you know what I think to that?

Sod it.

I don't feel the need to go out partying all the time anymore. To try and piece together the hazy blur of the previous drunken night from embarassing pictures and even more mortifying stories kindly regailed to you by your "friends" the following day. No, I find it weird to say it, but I don't want that anymore. I was talking with a friend of mine last night about how weird the different paths people take in life are. I could honestly tell you right now, hand on heart, that a year ago I wasn't planning on settling down anywhere in the near future. And yet I have, and I am happier now than I was back then. I've done the crazy things, the messing around and the ridiculously drunken nights. I've got that out of my system (which apparently means I may have avoided having a mid-life crisis, result!), and to be honest, before I met Edd I was getting bored of going out. It was always the same place, the same faces, and the same feeling of emptiness the next day. And the dodgy stomach of course. But now, I am happy going out once a month, if that. It brings the fun back to it, and I appreciate it a lot more. I wouldn't change my nights in snuggled up watching a film, or even just feeling exhausted from running around after a 5 year old all day, for all the free drinks in Swansea. I'm not saying that I'm becoming a hermit, a social leper of sorts. Not at all. I'm a very sociable person, and always will be. I guess I'm just saying that I feel as though I've grown up and found my place in life. Even if my nights out do involve lovely pictures such as this.....

So, here I am, 25 years young, 10.20pm on a Saturday night, saying, Goodnight all, I'm off to the Land of Nod.