To elope or not to elope...

... that is indeed the question. I'm excited about having a big day. Yet one more objection about our choice of date and I'm seriously considering buggering off to Vegas and getting married there with no one to tell us that the chosen date isn't practical because so and so will be away/somebody's birthday is in the same month/the hamster has to go to have a haircut etc etc. Why did no one warn me about this stressful side of the wedding? It's our bloody day and I don't really mind if it's autumn and there won't be any leaves coming out on the trees, we want to get married then, and that's when we're getting married.

Please, someone tell me it gets better? Please?

Raspberry Pavlova ice cream? Don't mind if I do!

Edd's parents are back from Sweden. This means Emilia is back, yay! This also means that the clashing of opinions has started and in the past 4 days there have been plenty of raised voices, boo. It's just getting used to all 5 of us living under the same roof again, but still, the stress levels are high at the moment. Hence the ice cream.

In other news, we have pretty much booked the wedding reception venue! Yay! It's all suddenly getting really real now. Oddly enough, all I can think about is having a little baby boy to be a page boy in a cute little suit.... got to stop being broody!

Emilia has now decided that when she is an adult, she's going to be a doctor. I was her first patient...

It's been one of those days

One where everything is just too overwhelming and my mind won't switch off. Enough brain, sleep time now.

WARNING:Post contains mild irritation and a bit of a rant

Now, before I start, I'm not claiming that I'm an ideal person, a perfect person, or that we're living in what would be the ideal place. But I'd just like to make it clear, that we're trying our hardest.

A story in the news yesterday really wound me up. David Cameron, our wonderful "elected" Prime Minister had said that "runaway fathers" (his new catchphrase) should be looked upon by society in the same manner as drink drivers. Basically, with disgust. Now, partly, I agree with this. Having come from a background where my biological father was a "runaway father", who failed dismally at paying maintenance for his 3 children. I'm not one to get involved in politics, but this story got to me. Yes, it's wrong that one parent has to foot the bill of bringing up a child while the other parent pays nothing. What is more wrong however, is the way this statement was made.

It's not just single mothers out there. What about the single fathers? Society conveniently forgets that sometimes the father is actually left looking after the child. It's like society can't handle the idea of the maternal role not being fulfilled, which is reflected in maintainance cases that go to court. If a father doesn't pay maintainance, it's very difficult for them to seek access to their child, on account of the financial difficulty they are putting the mother through. Howeverm it's not the same for the reverse. Apparently, it's "a mother's right" to see her child, regardless of whether they pay money towards said child's upkeep or the emotional trauma this places the child under.

And now, the government want to charge people for using the service they provide to ensure that child maintainance is paid. Surely this reeks of hipocrysy? The governemnt want absent fathers to pay child maintainance, but they want the mothers to pay a service fee for receiving said maintainance... Oh no wait, it's just another example of how the government is trying to get more money. I'm sure someone will be getting a big bonus for coming up with that idea, all paid for by the tax payer of course...

But anyway, aside from the politics aspect of this, the reason this story affected me so much is to do with Emilia's mum. There is still the issue of contact, and we have a court hearing coming up soon. I can see it from both sides really. The welfare lady (I don't really know what to call her) is going to suggest one final meeting between Emilia and her mum so that Emilia can say goodbye. I agree with this, as if she is denied the chance to say goodbye, it will have repercussions later on in her life. However, I don't think prolonged contact would be a good idea. Her mum's solicitor is saying that she is asking to see Emilia, well at the end of th day that's tough. She gave up that right when she abused and neglected her own innocent daughter. Just because she is now dying doesn't meant that right is now reinstated. Furthermore, the way that she is dying means that she's is going to deteriorate further and further, and how is it in Emilia's best interests to see that? I also feel that if her mum is so concerned about her, why isn't she paying maintainance towards her upkeep? How can she deman to see a child she refuses to pay for? What do they think children live on, air?

Which brings me to my final point (I did warn that this would be a rant...). As the child welfare lady has now seen that Emilia is settled, and knows that she calls me Mummy and it was a voluntary thing that she started after she saw her mum last time, in her report to the judge, she is going to mention this fact. I know full well that the other side is going to kick up a fuss about this, but at the end of the day they can't do anything about it. They have no say over who Edd dates, they have no say about where Emilia lives (as long as it's not outside the UK), and as they've broken the court order preventing contact by sending a t-shirt with a picture of Emilia's emaciated dying mum on it (honestly, WTF?!), they pretty much can't say anything. I am the one who pays for Eilia's food, her clothes, her toys. I'm the one who takes her to school, who cooks her dinners, who reads with her, encourages her to write and plays with her. They gave all of that up when they neglected her. So they can say naff all about our little jigsaw family, about Emilia's welfare, when they aren't even prepared to pay to ensure that she has food to eat. They never bothered before though, so why would they now?

Nothing is going to break this little family up.

What happens when you overthink

I'm sitting here with a cuppa, thinking about what to write. I want to give an update on things that have been happening, but I fear it may turn in to a dreary rant in the state of mind that I'm currently in. (I blame the rain, I was perfectly happy this morning when the sun was out) So I think I'm going to leave the update for later until I can cearly figure out what I want to say without sounding too depressing, because let's face it, nobody wants to read depressing blogs.

So, instead, here is Emilia's sports day at school! Alas I was not there, I was at work, but Edd took lots of pictures for me, and now I'm sharing them with you! You lucky people...

I'm no Supernanny

Emilia was a nightmare yesterday, and absolute terror. The amount of tantrums and high pitched screaming reached new levels. And I'm sorry to say, we both lost it and shouted at her. Properly shouted. I felt terrible afterwards. It didn't make things better. I just don't understand discipline for children. Threatening an early bed time is useless as she can't tell the time yet, so time is irrelevant to her. We've taken toys away, she still carries on misbehaving. Time outs rarely seem to work as she works herself up in to a hysterical mess and trashes her bedroom. At times I'm at a complete loss for what to do. I know it's going to be hard work after what she went through with her mum, and it's scares me when I see her curl up in a defensive position if someone shouts at her. I'd never hit her, and I've told her that many times. I rarely shout at her, only when I'm really cross, and it usually has the desired effect, Yesterday was a different story, she was on a whole new level yesterday. I know everyone has their off days, but she really struggles with being told what to do and being told no. I've got a theory that maybe she's finally feeling settled and is pushing the boundaries to see how much she can get away with. It's stressful, and I know it's going to take a long time. I just wish there was some sort of instruction manual.

Or a mute button.